The Unfolding of Our Lives

What a powerful and mysterious thought the Butterfly Effect is. When you take the time to really ponder this theory it can be quite sobering. Bringing into full focus the impact of our choices.

On the one hand it can feel a little overwhelming to realize the power our choices hold; and sometimes wondering if we just got so many things wrong. On the other hand, if you look honestly at your life you realize that you also got so many things right! Remembering that we can’t know what we don’t know — we can only do our best and make the best choice at the time.

Taking this concept even further — I’ve heard it said before that “it couldn’t have turned out any other way, because it didn’t”. This can be a very hard concept to even entertain, much less accept. I had to roll this over in my mind and my heart for quite some time. But it finally began to seem plausible, and then even probable. If you can really contemplate it, you might find that you begin to allow for the possibility of it.

When I accepted this to be truth, it almost felt like a giant exhale.

An exhale filled with tenderness and understanding, but also some sadness. Knowing with certainty, if it could have been any different, many, many times I would have made it so.

Knowing this will never explain the why— but it does explain the how around the unfolding of our circumstances and our history. In no way does it erase or even lessen the heartache, loss or pain of our stories — but it does offer a better and deeper understanding.

Of course there are a million different scenarios and possibilities as our lives unfold. But I’m speaking of looking back upon the events that have transpired, not the prior possibilities. We cannot begin to understand or dissect all the various elements that influence the outcomes — many completely out of our hands.

However, this reframing can relieve us of bearing the burden for all that didn’t happen the way we wanted.

I know from my own experience how deeply I wish I could rewrite many parts of my history and story. But I cant, and it’s why I am who I am, and it’s why I stand where I stand today - among the good, the bad, the beautiful, the difficult and the sometimes seemingly unbearable - all of it makes up my achingly beautiful life.

And while this truth often carries sadness — most certainly around the loss of my own daughter — there is also Grace. A quiet, tender freedom that settles in when I allow this truth to sink into my very being — a release. Releasing myself from the impossible belief that I could have fixed or changed the outcome, somehow. Not true — if that were so, I would have.

We all look back and second guess our choices and the role they played in our lives. But remember, it wasn’t only our choices at play, but the choices of everyone else in our orbit as well — they all affect each other and are woven together into the tapestry that becomes our lives.

We make the best choice we were capable of making in the moment. Maybe not our most desirable choice, but certainly it was the one we had the capacity to make at the time. This understanding is filled with Grace — let yourself have that.

This brings me back to the Butterfly Effect— reminding us of the power our choices hold; not to overwhelm or paralyze us, but more so to speak to the importance, mystery and sacredness of these beautiful lives we are all living and how we really are connected and woven together.

Each decision, every experience, all the moments and all the memories — they are all wrapped up into this incredible short span of time we get here on beautiful planet Earth. If anything, I hope thinking on these things will deepen your love of life, as well as help you give yourself Grace in all your moments — and remember that you got so many things right!

Reminding you that a beautiful life is The One You Have